The Perfect Man
by MakeItVoid
Summary: Skull and Reborn discuss the perfect man while Reborn tries to not-so-subtly show off his new skirt.
1. Chapter 1

Reborn throws open the front door and saunters over to where Skull is sitting on the couch, the hitman's heels clicking on the floor and his fake breasts bouncing slightly with the movement. He sits delicately beside Skull and crosses his legs, the pencil skirt rustling and his pristine white blouse wrinkling slightly.

"And what are you up to?" Skull asks, not looking away from the shooter game he's playing. "Breaking into my house again? A regular Tuesday?"

"Visiting my side bitch," Reborn answers with his feminine voice, flipping his long curly hair back dramatically. "His name is Skull de Mort and he wets the bed."

"With blood," Skull quickly cuts in, eyes flicking to Reborn before settling back on the TV. "My wound opened – it was just blood."

"There's nothing to be ashamed about, sweetie," Reborn croons. And then shoots the TV.

Skull frowns but drops the controller. "And who is your main bitch?"

Reborn sighs wistfully, holstering his gun. "Oh, his name is Reborn and he's The World Greatest Hitman – all capitalised by the way. I get wet just thinking about him."

Skull barks out a laugh, his eyes scanning Reborn's figure. "What part gets wet, exactly?"

"Everything," is the instant answer. "I start lactating because of his sheer manliness."

"Manliness," Skull chokes out and bursts into laughter, folding over the arm of the couch.

Reborn ignores him. "Reborn is so amazing. He rescues lizards from trees and helps clean up trash off the streets. By shooting people in the face."

Skull wheezes, trying to get himself under control. "Sounds like the perfect man."

"He is," Reborn admits. "I'd suck his dick any day."

"It'd be so hot if you had a twin," Skull proclaims as he straightens up, immediately imagining it.

"You would be into incest," Reborn scoffs. "Are you hard already?" he reaches over and slides a hand over Skull's inner thigh.

"I'm about to be," the stuntman admits easily, opening his legs for better access.

"It's fine, you're too small to show."

Skull proceeds to grab Reborn's hand and place it directly over his equipment. "Now say that again to my face."

Reborn leans in close, squeezing hard enough to make Skull wince in pain. "Reborn is bigger."

"I'll be the judge of that," Skull says, pulling Reborn's hand away and reaching for the other's lap.

Reborn slaps Skull across the face before the hand even gets close. "How dare you?" he cries in a dramatic voice. "You can't touch a lady like that."

Skull rolls his eyes. "How can I possibly make it up to you?"

"You could eat me out," Reborn suggests innocently.

"I would, but you're so full of shit," Skull deadpans.

Reborn can't stop the laugh from leaving him, quickly raising a hand to hide his mouth. He clears his throat and lowers his hand back to his lap once he isn't smiling anymore. "You're not funny."

"I certainly made you laugh."

Reborn peers at Skull through his long eyelashes. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go and fantasise about a real man." Reborn stands gracefully and saunters across the room.

Skull turns to watch him go, a smirk on his face. "Shake your ass a bit more, you look good in that skirt."

"Damn right I do!" Reborn calls back as he flips Skull off. He slams the door to the kitchen closed behind him as he leaves.

"Such a sweetheart," Skull murmurs.

A moment later, he hears loud moaning.

"Oh _fuck_… nh… ha… ha… _ah_!"

Skull sucks in a sharp breath, because Reborn is definitely the kind of person to want it over the dining table, and jerks to his feet. He bursts through the doorway and skids into the room only to find Reborn standing casually beside the coffee maker, waiting for it to finish.

"You're a fucking tease," Skull complains.

Reborn shrugs. "I do enjoy my espresso."

Skull pouts but wanders over to the fridge. "Did you want some cheesecake?"

"The answer is always going to be yes."

Skull pulls out the box of cake and Reborn collects two plates from the cupboard above him.


	2. Chapter 2

"Close your mouth when you chew," Mammon complains.

Skull, sitting on the Arcobaleno manor's front steps, is chewing loudly. He's stuffing so many caramel popcorn pieces into his face that smaller, half-chewed pieces spill out and onto the ground.

"I'm so hungry," Skull mumbles around a mouthful.

Mammon huffs and floats away to hover next to Fon instead. "Disgusting."

"I am very seductive," Skull protests. He runs out of popcorn so he sucks residue off his fingers.

"Oh really?" Reborn says, slumped against the door a few steps above Skull.

"Really," Skull insists. "I have the best pickup lines." He balls up the packet and throws it at Fon, who disintegrates it with Storm flames before it gets close to him.

"Go," Reborn demands.

Skull half turns to look at the hitman and contorts his face into the sleaziest smirk he can with heavy breathing and quick, snake like flickers of his tongue. "So what's your star sign, sweet thing? Because I'm virgo the virgin and I'm ready to party."

Reborn rolls his eyes so hard he almost strains something. "I don't know about stars but my sign is bus lane only. You're either over twelve inches or get off me."

Skull blinks, taken aback. "That's...like thirty centimetres. That's an entire ruler."

"I like them big. Ain't that right, Fon?"

Fon raises an eyebrow. "I would not be able to fight properly if I had to deal with thirty centimetres so I don't know why you're asking me."

Skull offers up a hand. "I think my forearm is like thirty so I could use that."

Reborn sighs theatrically. "When will I find a true man?"

Mammon drops to the ground and swaggers forward with a bowlegged stride, a suddenly present and massive bulge swinging between their legs. "Swallow me down like a subway sandwich, whore."

Reborn throws himself forward with a dramatic and desperate moan, tackling Mammon to the ground when the Mist isn't fast enough to dodge.

The other Arcobaleno drive up then so Reborn quickly stands and pretends he's being a perfect gentleman because Luce is in the backseat.


End file.
